I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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