Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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