It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
