She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
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We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
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why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Who died my cat blue again?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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