Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
