That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
babies were throwing up all over the place
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
