census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
