im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
