cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
