I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
