'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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