You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize