the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
