the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
