why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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