I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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