Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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