Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
