I'm pants shitting drunk right now
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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