WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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