well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Randomize
