I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
