Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize