Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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