Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
