How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Randomize
