can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
my sisters under your porch take her home
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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