her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
