The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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