I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
