If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Even my vagina gasped.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
