just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
