she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
even my farts smell like vagina
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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