I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
