I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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