When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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