don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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