ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
