Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
