i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
