Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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