Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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