Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
