Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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