...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
