he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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