a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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