I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
