An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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