I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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