I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
