Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
