so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
