i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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