We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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