I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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