somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize