everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
