1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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