The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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