The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
