There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I don't deserve a penis
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
