Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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