I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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