i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
