he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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