I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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