I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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