I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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