There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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