Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
