i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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