Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
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she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize