You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
