I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm really busy with my period
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